That’s where I’ve been the last few months: in the details. When my professor initially told me that she really felt it important for me to go back to France for a year to benefit from being immersed for a longer period of time in the French language and culture, I have to say that my first reaction was somewhere close to horror. Okay, maybe horror is a strong adjective, but I felt sick as my brain started calculating all of the logistics that were going to be involved in such an endeavor. My brain silently exploded. This all happened, of course, in about two seconds as I sat in the chair next to her desk staring at the linoleum floor. She looked at me and asked if I was all right and then proceeded to explain why this was important for my future in the field. Once I found my voice, I started explaining why my brain had pretty much just exploded. I told her how I had just moved up to Indiana a few months previous to this meeting, I had no family here to help me, I had no idea where I going to put my stuff, what about my car and my apartment, what about the money to do such a thing, all of the questions and details began tumbling out. I was pretty sure my brain was going to explode again. My professor sat back in her chair rather relaxed and gave a few suggestions but restated that it was important that I go, and she was sure I would figure out all of those details. “Easier said than done,” I thought to myself.
Looking back now, I have to confess that I’m stunned at how what seemed like an insurmountable mountain of details, logistics, and phone calls is now almost conquered. When I say “conquered” though, I do not want to give the idea that it was I alone who conquered as that would have been impossible. I have often said that God is a God who works in the details.One night when I was feeling especially tired and stressed, I determined to write down every worry and prayer I could remember throughout this whole process and then write how God had answered it. Before I had written down more than three details, I was overcome by how God works and how needlessly worried and stressed I often am. I still have a few more details to work through, one in particular that has been rather worrisome, but I am praying that the Lord will provide me with an answer soon.
The biggest lesson I have learned and continue to learn is that God so often works out these details in such a way that you know it was only through Him that it worked. Sometimes His answers seem to take a long time and sometimes He answers a different prayer before He answers the one that seems to be the most bothersome. Ultimately, in whatever way He works, all glory goes to Him as it always should.
What am I up to right now? Relaxation. Well, that and trying to overcome what seems to be mover’s amnesia. I wake up panicked wondering where something ended up and then wake up later remembering where I put it. This process repeats itself quite frequently and has been rather exhausting. Hence my relief to be between phases of this trip and able to relax a little and just drink some relaxing hot tea and breathe. I’ve started saying some hard goodbyes and am preparing to drive down to Texas to see my family and friends there before I board the plane to begin this adventure. I’m predicting that there will be a sizable cry fest on my part after being dropped off at the airport. Things tend to hit me smack in the face since I’m not the best at preparing for these sort of things as I prefer not thinking about them and instead prefer to focus on something else. Thus, I want to do a better job this time of knowing what’s coming and being okay with the fact that I’m probably going to cry and to not be embarrassed about how many people might be staring at me as this happens. Good thing I hate wearing mascara, right? God is good though. He was with me the two other times I boarded a plane for an adventure abroad and wondered if I’d made a big mistake as I felt alone missing my family. That is the beauty of God, He is not limited by location or by fear. When we are following what He has led us to do, He has promised to be with us no matter where He leads. He will be with me, and He will be with those I leave at home.
How do I know this? Because He works in the details.